How to Spot
a Wizard

The shoes

Look down. Wizards always have strange feet.

Sometimes the shoes are pointy at the end, like the tip of a pencil. Sometimes one shoe is brown and the other is black, and they don't notice, because wizards have bigger things on their mind. Sometimes the shoes look so old, so cracked, so used by a person who has walked across deserts and seas, that you would put them in a museum.

Wizards do not buy new shoes. Their shoes find them. The shoes have done a lot.

The cat

Wizards have cats. Always. The cat is not a pet. The cat is the wizard's boss.

You will know the cat is a wizard's cat because it looks at you the way a teacher looks at you when you've forgotten your homework. The cat knows the day of the week. The cat knows what you had for breakfast. The cat is keeping notes.

If you ever meet a cat that seems to be thinking really, really hard about you — say hello to it. Politely. The cat will decide what happens next.

The cat is the boss. The wizard works for the cat. This is the way of things.

The mumbling

Wizards talk to themselves. Out loud. In the cereal aisle.

Don't laugh. They are not being weird. They are casting tiny, useful spells: a spell for finding their keys, a spell for the bus to come faster, a spell for the bread to last one more day.

If you listen carefully — and you have to listen carefully, because most spells sound like grocery lists — you'll catch words you don't know. Old words. Words that are too long for the sentence they're in.

That's how you know.

The books

Look at the books a person owns. This is the easiest test of all.

A wizard has too many books. The books are heavy. The books are about weird things. There will be a book about clouds. A book about bees. A book about how rivers were named. A book that is just lists of stones.

Most people only have books for fun, or books for school. Wizards have books because the books showed up at their door one day, and the wizard let them in, and they have lived together ever since.

If you ever get the chance to look at a wizard's bookshelf, do. Read the spines. The spines are clues.

The sky

Wizards look up.

You are walking down the street, and you see someone stopped on the sidewalk, and they are looking at the sky. They are not looking for a plane. They are not on the phone. They are just looking.

Most grown-ups never look at the sky. They have forgotten. They are too busy thinking about emails and lunch.

A grown-up who looks at the sky is a person who remembers that the sky is mostly stars, even when you can't see them. That is a wizard fact. Only wizards remember it.

If you stand next to a wizard who is looking at the sky, look up too. Don't say anything. They will not mind.

What to do

So, you've found one. Hat. Shoes. Cat. Mumbling. Books. Sky. All seven. Now what?

First: be polite. Wizards have been around longer than you, and they get tired of being asked to do tricks. Don't ask for magic. They do not perform.

Second: share your snack. Wizards almost never bring food. They are too busy. If you offer them half of your cookie, they will remember you for a hundred years.

Third: ask a small question. Not "are you a wizard?" — that is rude. Ask something like, "do you know the name of that bird?" or "is it going to rain today?" If they get a small look in their eye, like they are deciding what to tell you — it's working.

If you are kind, and patient, and you don't make a fuss, the wizard might decide to teach you one thing. Just one. And that is the beginning.

That's how every wizard, in the history of the world, has ever started. Including the one you'll be.